My new two week trial is: dun dun dun! Fantasy Football.
What I am going to do is piggy back on one of my husband’s teams, the one we have the most money invested into. (A whopping $25 – but if he wins, it would be 10 times that, and THAT is something I can definitely get on board with.) I will learn all about the drafting, since I missed that part already, the choosing of players, and whatever it is that Jordan does on the computer frantically before a game starts. “Cause you never know if someone slipped in the shower this morning or hurt themselves running after their kids,” he says.
I will learn the terminology, the lingo, the point of the game. I will attempt to drink a beer, I will haphazzardly spill potato chips on the floor, and I will wear a jersey. I will yell at the TV when my players make a mistake, cuss out the umpires refs when they make a bad call, jeer at the opposing team, and give high fives when my players “get me points”.
The most animated I have ever been at any kind of sports event was at Ranger Stadium when someone else beat me to the last Cotton Candy the guy was carrying around in the air. Or during the one thousandth time I had beer pour down my back or dribbled on my legs. Why don’t they just take a few sips before trying to waddle their way back down the aisle through a row of people? I always come home covered in sweat because it is AUGUST in TEXAS, covered in beer slime and dying of thirst because I won’t pay for a $47 dollar bottle of water.
Because that might not be enough to fill a whole blog every day, we will also be betting on football games. I have been informed by Jordan via the phone just now that there are 32 NFL teams and they all play every week, so there will be 32 games for us to bet on. (I sighed. Jordan asked “is that too many?” One is to many, dear.) We will each use our own methods to choose the teams we think will win, and at the end of two weeks, whichever one of us has the most victories to our name wins. Jordan’s method of choosing winners will be based on which team his thinks will win. Go figure. My method of choosing will be which team has the best colors or the coolest mascot or the hottest players. Go Josh Hamilton! Wait… football, football. (Jordan will just be impressed I know a sport’s person’s name.
The winner will be treated to a cooked meal, a cleaned kitchen, a movie of their choice, a footrub and an alcoholic beverage of their choice, provided it is already in our frig or cabinet. Being in a dry county is inconvenient. Though I do get a kick out of meeting other parents toting toddlers on their hips in the liquor store. Can you say “red-neck!”
Needless to say, Jordan is more enthusiastic about doing this with me than he was Weight Watchers. I’m signing of… Got to go find a football helmet to wear to bed. I am that dedicated.