Day 1: Fantasy Football
The number one rule when it comes to drafting your team is this: never pick your Quarterback first. When I asked Jordan why, his response was this: “Because there are less good Running Backs than there are good Quarterbacks.” I tuned out the next five minutes of his speech but then realized I HAD to pay attention to his sports talks this time, for my blog.
My next question was, “What’s a running back.” He is still staring at me, mid-dishwasher load, plate in hand. Water drips to the floor. I hear the “splat, splat” because he is staring open mouthed at me, not even breathing.“Seriously?” Now he is walking over to me, hands already gesturing. “They stand in the back and do the running.” He is starting to sweat. I see the smoke coming from his ears. I am not an easy person to explain something to. I ask a lot of questions. He is standing in front of me as I type this, hands on his hips. “You never let me finish telling you about the Quarterback.” He moved around to my side, now buzzing in my ear. All I hear is “blah, blah, blah… understand?” Uh, noooo.
After much trying of his patience, and thank goodness for me, he has loads of it, I finally learn this: the QB (my new hip abbreviation for Quarterback) value as a point-getter for my “team” isn’t as high as a Running Back’s value is, because there aren’t enough really good Running Backs to go around. So this leads me to believe I would pick a RB (guess what that stands for?) first. I check with him. Not exactly… I get another five minute speech. You pick the guy that is the best value for your team. So which one is the best value? You can only figure that out if you are male. I am not.
When my husband actually picked his team a couple weeks ago, he studied hard the night before. I’m talking 4 plus hours. You would have thought our living room was the studying site for the Bar or the MCATs. Magazines spread every where, stats, highlighters, records, notebooks, pens, pencils, 47 web pages open on the laptop. There was color-coding involved. Color-coding. All this from the man that studied for his finals the day of. This was the same night he offered to “watch” Julie and Julia with me. He couldn’t tell you one thing that happened in it. Except for maybe the lobster killings.
He met at Buffalo Wild Wings with a group of what I can only imagine to be grunting, unshaven men, smacking on chicken wings and drinking beer. Who you pick first also depends on where your “pick” is. His pick was sixth, meaning that five beer-guzzling, BBQ saucy guys got to pick a player before he did. He picked a Running Back with his first pick (Maurice Jones-Drew), another with his second (Ryan Grant, who he just informed me is out for the season now) and a Wide Receiver (Calvin Johnson) with his third.
A lot of the guys he is in the league with picked a QB first (pushaw! Rookies!) so he feels like he got some good picks. Every week, your team “plays” one other guy’s team. Basically, every player on your team (who are all from different “real” teams) scores you points based on how good they play. So far, he/we have played “week one” of games. His team scored 59 points, which is crappy, he says, but was enough to pull out a win for that individual matchup. Confused yet? Me too. This is already harder than Weight Watchers. My brain hurts.
Before every game starts, we will review what players we have “starting”, which will be 9 people. We can “bench” them if they are hurt or if you think they aren’t going to have a good week. We (meaning not ME) will choose who we think will get us the most points, based on who they are playing this week.
Our team is called “One Man Wolfpack”. When I asked if the name had something to do with Twilight, I had to duck out of the way of the football flying at my head.
These are the 16 players that make up my new-found team:
Quarterback – Phillip Rivers, Ben Roethlisberber (What a mouthful!)
Running Back – Maurice Jones-Drew, Arian Foster, Jonathan Stewart (I thought he was that Daily Show guy, my bad), Thomas Jones, Bernard Scott
Receivers – Calvin Johnson, Donald Driver (no relation to Minnie), Hakeem Nicks, Nate Washington (probably not related to George, but we are still checking)
Kicker – Mason Crosby (no relation to Bing, darn)
Defense – Carolina Panthers, Cincinnati Bengals (Apparently, you pick a whole team’s defense)
Tight-End (that’s what she said) – Tony Gonzales
Only one of those names sound even remotely familiar to me. And I can’t even spell/pronounce it.
We start betting on games tomorrow…
Lesson learned: Don’t pick your QB first! Even if you really, really want to!