First up: September 27th Special Double Issue of People Magazine. I used to really like this magazine, but now it is full of “tabloid trash” and people I have never heard of, most of them being “reality stars”, one genre of TV I can’t stand.
In this issue, a few pages of this mag are dedicated to “Chic at every age”. I glance at the 20-somethings. I recognize two people: Taylor Swift, a cute, young country singer/songwriter/player of an actual instrument, for those of you who have apparently been living under a rock for the last year like me. The other one I recognize is another singer, I think from that one season of American Idol my friend Tracie made me watch. I was at her mercy. Our hubby’s went to play softball and we stayed at the casa, and she owned the casa. So we watched American Idol. I read the names and recognize Nikki Reed, who’s name I heard on a radio commercial saying she was in Twilight. I also recognized Anna Paquin’s name but the picture of her is so freakishly waif-like and heavy makeup-ed that I didn’t know her face. Jordan thinks she is hot. I think she is not. What has she got? Not a lot! I feel a Dr Seuss book in the making…
I move on to the 30-somethings. They’ve got Claire Danes! Woohoo! I know and actually like her! Did she and Jordan Catalano every work it out? I can’t remember. What a teenage hunk! Also, I recognize that blonde chick from Heroes and Forgetting Sarah Marshall, a woman from one of those Law shows, and David Beckham’s wife. And I only know who she is because she is always screwing up those beautiful pictures of her husband by standing next to him. Not to fear though, I just cut her shriveling body out of the picture before I hang it on my wall.
Nicole Kidman and Halle Berry are in the 40-somethings. In fact, I know all but one of the 40-somethings. What does that say about me? And did you know Christie Brinkley is 56? Wow. But she looks better at 56 than I have ever and will ever look. Stupid models.
And can we talk about Lady Gaga a sec? First of all, do we know for sure that she is in fact a lady? Has anyone lifted up that putrid meat dress to check? Who can tell underneath all those dumbass getups. But I did see a gay guy at Ulta today that had on more makeup than she did. His perfectly tweezed eyebrows looked better than mind. But he had a tattoo. Do gay guys get tattoos? It seems too “macho.” Maybe he got it in those “college experimentation” years.
There is a photo montage of Lady Gaga in the mag. So weird. There is no other way to describe her and some of these bird-like “hats” she wears. There is one of a shiny jeweled lobster, turned into a mask. It stands about a foot over her head. Seriously? Who dressed her? In one pic, she is wearing a vintage looking phone on her head. Yup. A two foot tall phone. Guess she lost her Droid.
Final notes: I am adding Never Let Me Go and Black Swan to my Netflix list. Ironically, both movies star an actress each that my dear friend Jami calls her Hollywood nemesis’s. Two new shows I am watching got good ratings, further verifying that I know how to pick a good one: Hawaii Five-O got 3 of 4 stars (and honestly I am only watching it for my smoking hot, alas cancelled, vampire, Mick St. John) and Raising Hope, which got 4 of 4. Also, I liked Kate Winslet 20 pounds heavier, Weezer named their new album “Hurley” after the Lost character (I may buy it just for that) and Snookie (I DETEST having to address someone by such a stupid moniker) please go away. I hate that I even know you exist.