My second and third days of meditating have not gone so well either, but I think they were better than the first.
Yesterday, I got up, got dressed and sat down in the living room (still too cool outside). Though I wished I could spend this attempt lying down on the couch with my eyes closed, covered up in a blanket, I decided I needed to be more serious. I did sit with my back up again the couch though. 5:45 in the morning is too early to have good meditating posture. But one thing that is easy is keeping my eyes closed. It’s not even an effort.
I was barely down for 15 seconds when my dog Brutus decided he has to go out, RIGHTNOW. I had closed my eyes and then I heard him snort and start his little “I have to pee” dance at the back door. He turns in a circle and his toenails click on the tile, while bobbing his head up and down. Fine. I let him out. I wait for him to finish, because if I don’t let him back in RIGHTNOW, he will bark at the door until I do, and barking is not a friend of meditation.
I get comfortable again. My first thought: I’m hungry. My second: Stop thinking!
In Eat Pray Love, she dedicates her meditations to someone. So I decided instead of trying to not think about anything, I would try to think about one thing only. I choose to focus on my son, Riley. I try to picture his face. I get distracted thinking about how much easier it is to picture his face from a photograph, than to try and pull one out from scratch. I see his face a million times a day. Why a photo? Does that mean I am a bad mother? Can I picture my husband’s face perfectly? NO?!? What’s wrong with me?!?!?! Am I broken? Are others this way?
STOP. Focus. Fine, picture a picture of Riley. Then with every other breath, I chose a word to meditate on, dealing with our relationship as a mother and son. Love. Peace. Patience. Calm. I get a good pattern of breathing, and words, and start to get my focus… then my alarm clicks on in the bedroom and Lady Gaga blares out of the speakers.
And Lady Gaga can do no good for anyone, especially those mediating.
Day three, was today. My alarm was set for 5:45. At 5:40, I hear Riley cry on the monitor. We don’t wake him up until about 6:40 to get ready, which I know, is criminal. What happened to “never wake a sleeping baby?” Those people must not have had jobs. I spend the first few minutes of my schedule mediating crossing my fingers that he will go back to sleep. After I realize that’s not gonna happen, I spend the next few minutes changing his diaper, giving him a drink, and trying to get him to lay back down. All to no avail. He screams bloody murder when I leave (not conducive for meditating) and I close my bedroom door, flip off the monitor, and pull the covers over my hear. My snooze button runs out of time and the alarm clicks on again two minutes later.
Perhaps on day four?