Two for One

I’ve recently had the stomach flu. L In fact, today was the first day I have felt “normal” since last Thursday. While being sick doesn’t make for a good working environment, it does make for a great movie watching one. So today I am going to review two movies in one post.

First up:

The Loss of a Teardrop Diamond:This stars Bryce Dallas Howard (she and all her siblings are named after the place they were conceived), Chris Evans, and that guy from Armageddon and lots of other things that everyone recognizes, but no one knows his name. It is based on a Tennessee Williams play/short story. I always thought TW was a woman, but turns out its a man. I guess Tennessee is more of a man’s name.

Anyway, Bryce is this spoiled little rich girl named Fisher who is not accepted in society because she is a spoiled little rich girl (and because he father accidentally got some people killed on the job). She does nothing to better herself, but always manages to make her peers (and her viewers) dislike her more. You feel sorry for her, but most of the time you just want to slap her across the face and tell her to grow up. Chris plays a poor guy that works on her family’s land that she dresses up and pays to be her escort to all of these social gatherings. They spend the whole movie arguing with each other, her trying to seduce him, and him declining. He however does sleep with an old girlfriend at a party (her name is Vinnie, that makes two weird/boy names). Fischer looses this $5000 diamond earring and Chris finds out that Vinnie found it and plans to sell it. He finally convinces her to give it back, which she does grudgingly. At the end of the movie, after he has turned her down left and right, she basically begs him to be with her, to marry her… she doesn’t expect him to ever love her, but maybe he could “get used to her”. He doesn’t look like he’s gonna go for it and she starts to walk away, but he grabs her hand and pulls her back. The end. Sooooo, we think that he is going to marry her for the money, judging by earlier comments to his father. I did Chris Evans as a Southern boy with an accent and also dressed up in a tux, but you kinda just want to slap him too. Bryce was good in her roll, but it’s hard to like her. Oh, and she helps euthanize and old lady. That’s kind of out of left field, but I am sure it has a very poignant meaning in the play, in relation to her life. The did this weird thing in that scene; dimming the lights in the room, and putting a spotlight on Bryce as she gave this soliloquy. It was strange, playish, but I guess that’s what it was after all. This movie was commercialed as a romance, of which there was none. Boo. BOTTOM LINE: SKIP IT.

Transformers: Something about the moon: I liked this movie before the first scene ever took over my screen, for one main reason: Megan Fox was not in it.  Sure, men may think she’s the modern day Aphrodite, but she absolutely, without a doubt, cannot act to save a life (though she did save one in the past movie). To prove this point, just watch any movie she is in. Wait, don’t watch any movie she is in. A bit about why she was fired: she mouthed off too much, especially to the director Michael Bay. The two never got along (so the Hollywood rumors go). She reportedly said he acted like Hitler, a statement Steven Spielberg (a Jewish man) did NOT like. He told Bay to get rid of her, and when Spielberg tells you to do something, apparently you do it. As a final nail in her coffin, he hired a girl with NO acting experience (a Victoria Secret model with freakishly big lips) as if to quip to Fox “I hired you to shut up and be pretty, not act.” I will say this: I HATE it when they replace a main character, especially if the character stays the same and the actor changes. That’s just stupid. All I can think the whole time is how that’s not the same girl (or guy). But I will also say this: I liked watching Hotty Big Lips much more than Hotty Can’t Act. And she as Australian, which always makes us Americans like them more. Take an ordinary guy or girl you wouldn’t look twice at and slap an accent on them, and they are suddenly hot. This also works by giving a random average person a guitar. What about an accented/guitar playing/average Joe Blow, you ask? Well, I think you know the answer to that. J Back to the movie… Alien robot cars attack, other alien robot cars counterattack, one lone kid saves the day again. This one has less humorous one-liners, which I didn’t like, but it did include some hot new cars, which I did like. But it is still the same movie as the past 2. BOTTOM LINE: RENT IT

I’ll have two more for ya tomorrow. 🙂

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